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This may have made the rounds already but just awesome, hope it is true because I hate thieves.


This Ad Was Posted in the Personals Column of a Savannah (Georgia) Newspaper in May 2009.



To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 05-27-09, at approximately 1:43 am EST.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend, threatening her life and mine.

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings;

I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my Jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.

My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.

Obviously you would agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head.

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from barefooted since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.


Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?

But before the line was shut down, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path
you've chosen to pursue in life.

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,



Alex
 

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i call bs, and im sure billy is gonna chime in as well. if in fact he made threatening comments to the da or fbi, the guy who tried to rob him can tell authorities that THIS guy robbed him and he would be eventually caught.... way to much stuff to believe.... i mean if he used the guys credit card they can pull tapes at the gas station and get the guys license plate... right?
 

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I dont buy it. +1 on bs.
 

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Excellent Fiction writing skills.
 

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I can see most of it happening. The FBI/DA part might be a bit far fetched. It could be to strike some fear into the guy. I don't know. I thought it was funny and creative either way. Truth or Fiction.
 

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Now that is some funny shit! Plausable but unlikely.
 

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If it were true, he would be in jail for armed robbery - stealing the guys wallet and phone.
 

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If it were true, he would be in jail for armed robbery - stealing the guys wallet and phone.
That being the case.....much easier to shoot the prick attempting to rob you.

Some states may not go for that theory though :(
 
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